I have been in depression lately.
I am scare of my life, don't know where will this path take me.
A few days ago I came across some thoughts with flash back. I was scared what had happened....
In a minute my past came across my eyes.. It was devistating and heartbreaking I didn't know what to do. Whether it has gone now i still feel it some time that it might come back again but how cool you may be it will still come back because we keep thing thing that really are close to us. Sometimes it does come back. When I had this thing I couldn't sleep for few days properly. I am scaird what's going to happen in my life.. Every person knows or gets a hint of his life at my age. I m around 30 not married and I may not get married
Because I m dyslexic not a lot but I have. Sometimes I do forget but there r most of the things I remember. I used to live in Kuwait my dad was an respected architect there. Our lives was good but that I started growing up I started have problems i wasn't interested in studies. Wanted to play with friends more. I never listened to them. My life was never the same as a normal child. But nobody know what was wrong wit me. And Indian parents you know whe they want their kids to do well in life they try each and everything to make their kid better. First I used to study in an Indian school in Kuwait and there are Indian schools there.. Than after 2 class I got shifted to British system school in Kuwait. Sorry I don't remember the dates because I m bad at it... Even than I was not so good. After few years of study the school said that sorry we can't keep him something like that... Being the only son of my hardworking parents I was any way spoilt but still i was better than the other kids well not in studies but in behavioural aspect. But still i have troubled my parents no matter what it is. They have sacrificed for me in life. Sometimes I think if it weren't for them I would had been out on the streets. Things are filled in me. And I m going to get them out. sometime you think you are dead inside, you have no perpos to live... Its hard whe you see your nieces and nephews going for a higher studies and then you realize that what have you done to you life. Sometimes you fell what are you. In a time where at my age where people have girlfriends I don't have any in some point of time i felt that I don't need a girlfriend. But at some point of time I think do I really need a girlfriend for instance even if I had one would she accept me as i am or she will run after my dad's hard earned money. Some times I think I shouldnt be in this world. (don't worry I won't do anything 😔) I have nothing in mind. Our world Is filled with greed and selfishness.
Truth to be told is I want money in my life because I have been wanting money in my life no matter relatives and friends are important but till we all don't have money we won't be able to do anything.
Life is hard.
I hav got so many problems because of this. I know people who don't like me because it hard for them to digest what I got in life because of my parents. People like to compete with us where I live in chandigarh India. It's been 6 months since my boss told me to go out of the office.
My boss said something to me so bad that stayed in my head and still in running I was about to go through type of depression but I didn't thank god. I knew I had my relatives and my parents beside me. Some time I still have fits because a think alot. I'd love to go out of india but I have to see what I have to do before that. If you look at me you won't say That I have it but I know what's happening with me. This is my first blog. I have never blogged. I sometimes whish that I should try to join any news agency, but than I remember that I am not a degree holder.
I sometimes think That even I don't know what I think. Now since 4-5 days I'm little bit ok but it come in my head sometimes. Because of these thing I have got blood pressure (hipertension) and liver problem.
